The story continues … {read Part 1 here}
Once the pitocin drip was hooked up, I knew it would be a mindset game.
I don’t think I’ve ever been hooked up to an IV in my life, so I was already fighting the feeling that I was helpless, powerless, and something was ‘wrong’ with my body.
For about an hour the pitocin was on but I felt no contractions. A few began, and fortunately, both my body and little Mr. Donovan seemed to take to it well – they mentioned some bodies and babies ‘don’t take well to pitocin’ – I didn’t know exactly what that meant but it didn’t sound good.
As contractions started to grow, they felt just like my normal contractions and I was so grateful!
For a while I was able to keep laughing and participating in conversations, but as another hour went by, I set up my bluetooth headphones (which SAVED me) and my hypnobirthing recordings. I hoped they would work, and I figured that at least they wouldn’t hurt, and if they started to drive me nuts as labor progressed, I could just rip them off!
As it turned out, they did anything but drive me nuts – they KEPT me from going nuts!
If you’ve listened to hypnobirthing recordings before, you know they sound a bit lame if you’re not in need of them at that time. It’s soft musings of rainbows and ocean waves and the general idea that the sensations in your body are not painful, they’re exciting because they’re bringing your baby closer!
If you’re not actively in labor yet, and you’ve been through natural labor before, the idea that these little phrases, set to a background of ocean waves, are going to get you through childbirth seems a little insane.
But here’s the thing about labor: as you deepen into active labor and head toward transition, you are in a tunnel where all you’re really aware of is what your body is doing. So you get to focus on something – and you can choose what. This was the hope and hypothesis I went into this birth with, praying that the pain would not be too great and the baby and I would both be healthy, and that somehow, these meditative soundtracks would smooth the process.
And the crazy thing is, IT WORKED.
At some point as things grew more intense, I wanted David right next to me for comfort and security, and instead of taking off my headphones in between contractions, I left them on and stayed in the zone as best I could, which was surprisingly not too difficult.
The contractions were getting closer together and a bit stronger, and I started to feel my body shiver between them, and it felt natural to moan. I know this might sound crazy, but I made a conscious effort to keep the moans ‘positive’ rather than painful sounding – using weird sounds like ‘bub bub bub bub bub’ instead of ‘aghhh!’
The result was that instead of expecting pain and fearing it, holding my body tense until the next contraction, I stayed calm and loose, telling myself that this was how my little man was working his way out to meet us at last!
At one point as the contractions continued, I felt baby ‘engage’ in the pelvis way more deeply, dropping a rapid 3 inches, while I was sitting up.
This made it harder for the nurse to track the contractions, as it threw off the placement of the tracking device, and she insisted that I lie down so she could more easily access the baby. I obliged reluctantly since sitting up was working so well, and as soon as I laid down I sensed Donovan shift to the side out of optimal position and I was much less comfortable.
I told Jenn, our doula, and David that I did not like this at all, and fortunately they were both bold and ready to fight for me to have the best birth, rather than worry about the chart showing what was happening perfectly.
They basically fought the nurse on the point until she conceded with irritation, and I sat back up and Donovan shifted right back into prime position, thank goodness!
I cannot overemphasize the importance of having a good birth team, even if it’s just an educated and empowered husband! It is very hard to fight for your and your child’s best interests when you are in the ‘twilight zone’ of labor.
Soon afterward, transition began, and I went through it almost without anyone noticing, except that now I was vocalizing with almost every contraction.
A few hours in, they had been able to stop the pitocin since my body’s natural contractions had finally gotten the hint and taken over!
I could tell things were progressing, and that baby was ‘right there’ and that I’d better go to the restroom before this party really got started!
David walked with me over to the bathroom, with both of us expecting that nothing big was going to be happening here, and pausing for contractions, but as I sat down I felt the irrepressible urge to push rather than urinate and from my loud cry the doula came running.
She comforted me and calmed me down, sprinkled some peppermint essential oil in the toilet basin so I could move along with my original intent, and firmly instructed me not to push.
And then we got me out of there about as fast as we could, because the pushing phase was ON, and we barely got me back over to the bed and up on it before the next big push came, and brought Donovan’s HEAD!
One more push and he was all the way OUT, and I was not only overjoyed, I was flat out floored that that was it – the birth was essentially complete – it was already over and that was all it took!
I had been fearing the ‘crowning’ phase and the dreaded ‘ring of fire’ since Juliette’s birth, and I was in shock that this had been so quick, easy, and – dare I say it? – painless, exactly what I’d prayed for.
I made the decision as we were heading toward the bed that I was going to continue the same intentional ‘positive’ sound making rather than screaming out in pain or fear, and it made the biggest difference!
You can see it in the pictures above – I look like I am smiling or singing, which is more what the vocalizing sounded like – or even like that initial activity which creates children!
Now let me be clear: this was not only my second child, but I was already 5cm dilated, 80% effaced, with baby’s head very low and engaged and plenty of prodromal labor to move this process along before active labor began, and there is no doubt in my mind that those factors all contributed to a much faster, easier birth.
But I also know that I was dreading this birth – to the point that my mother thought maybe those subconscious fears were stopping all that prodromal labor from turning into the real deal, and she may have been right – and I certainly could have experienced much more pain if I had not had a way to focus on keeping my body relaxed and calm.
From, there it was just joy (and a few stitches, and delivering the placenta!) Greeting the little man, watching David’s overwhelmed emotions, and marveling that this little human, so real and individuated, had been hanging out in my body for the last 10 months.
Jenn later told me that she had been afraid that I was going to give birth on the toilet with just her there to help! Which I think she would have done flawlessly, but it was still wise for her to grab the rest of the GWU birthing crew, who all rushed in as I clambered onto the bed and Donovan emerged.
She had her had in some position on my back during crowning that, even in the midst of birth I was thinking ‘that is the best thing in the world right now’ – I am so glad she knew what she was doing!
Once we got me settled with baby in arms, he went straight to nursing – I guess being born builds your appetite! And I was on such a high – energized, since I had had a full night of sleep the night before, and this birth had happened so efficiently, it was only 8:30pm.
I Facetimed my family and little Juliette to show them the baby they’d come meet the next day, and greeted my in-laws (though my mother in law was in the birth room the whole time, my prayer partner!)
We had switched to a new nurse and midwife a few hours before, and there was just the best vibe in the birthing room – because baby and I were feeling so good, it felt like a party!
Little Mr. Donovan – the chillest baby in all the land, who eats and sleeps and eats some more. 🙂 He has the sweetest of dispositions, and truly has been exactly what God spoke to me on the morning I found out I was pregnant with him – a GIFT.
I am so glad we chose Emily Gerald to capture this wild ride and beautiful experience, and so grateful to her and Jenn for bearing with me patiently and sweetly through two false alarms until this precious little man gifted us with his arrival!
We are so thankful to the midwives of the George Washington University Hospital and their positive attitude toward natural birth, Jenn Monaghan our amazing Nova birth doula, (a believer and trained in hypnobirthing, so NOVA ladies I could not recommend her more highly!) and Emily Gerald of Emily Gerald Photography who also did our stunning maternity pics!
We are also deeply indebted to my mother-in-law who(literally!) walked this journey of trying to get me to go into labor and then through the birth, my sister-in-law who let us crash at her apartment over and over again, long past when we thought we’d have a baby, my parents and brother, who tirelessly watched Miss Juliette for a full week longer than we had planned, all so we could focus on the new baby at hand.
And I am so thankful for my husband, for understanding and appreciating all of the unusual things I prioritize and practice during pregnancy and birth – there are so many factors you can’t control in this process; my philosophy is to – without panic or paranoia – control the ones you can!
That said, to every woman who has brought a human being into the world, however it happened, know that you are a BADASS, you have NOTHING to prove, and the world literally keeps turning because of you. Well done!!
