Hey Gorgeous!
Wow, my last post got a lot of attention! So many of you expressed gratitude for my honesty in sharing my fears, and my addressal of a tough, key, and very under-discussed aspect of a very over-discussed topic: the big leap of marriage.
This is definitely an area I’ve been itching to teach on, so expect much more to come!
Let’s jump into the meat of this post; this is going to be a fun one!
My husband and I moved pretty quickly through the marriage process, and we’re so glad we did!
We met one Sunday afternoon at church in early August, and a year and four days later, we were married! Our engagement was three months, and I planned our Dallas wedding from my hometown of DC, with my angel of a mother-in-law running around as my Texas eyes to check out venues and vendors I found on Google!
We crammed six months of pre-marital counseling into our three month engagement, skirting the rules a bit and meeting with older couples even before our engagement was official (which I SO recommend – why find out you’re incompatible after making a big public announcement of your commitment? But many churches are unwilling to start the process formally until there’s a ring, so work outside the system and get the guidance you need on your own!)
Our wedding was quite the big bash, and planning a wedding for some 250 people (I still don’t really know how many were there!!) from 1300 miles away in three months while working could have been quite a stressor.
Fortunately, I had one major priority for the wedding, and one major priority for the marriage, and my husband and I were on the same page.
Sure, I had my fantasies – like many, I signed up for Pinterest just to gather my ideas for the wedding! – but they were all to serve one mission: to demonstrate the true Gospel meaning of marriage through our union to a group of people who may have never been in a church, or had terrible experiences with or preconceptions of God, church, or marriage.
And, we wanted our marriage to do the same thing, for life.
So, how did we do it for the wedding?
Here’s what we did:
THE CEREMONY:
- Big, gorgeous, cathedral-style church. For years, there have been only three things I’ve wanted for my wedding: a big, beautiful cathedral church for the ceremony, powerful organ music, and a white dress. Obviously God is everywhere, but I always feel I’ve stepped into His presence whenever I enter the interior of an awe-inspiring church. I hoped our attendees would feel the same peace and awe there as well.
- Scripture. We pilled on the Bible verses! Our homily was short, and we let the Bible tell its own story.I don’t think there is any better way to articulate God’s priority of and vision for marriage than directly reading the verses about it. We started with Genesis, when God presents the woman to the man, right before I walked down the aisle, and later went through about 6 other readings, culminating with the marriage of Christ and the church in Revelation.We chose powerful friends walking closely with God to read the Scriptures with love and authority, and it was amazing to receive from them and hear the conviction in their voices.
- Our ceremony handout included it all, with the verses written out, and the words to our favorite hymns which we all sang. That little program was more like a pamphlet, and creating it was definitely a worthwhile labor of love!
- We each chose a favorite hymn to sing with our attendees, and both songs focused on the powerful surrender to God and each other we were committing to.
- We also chose quotes from the Song of Solomon to read each other before our vows – you can hear snippets of them in our wedding video at the end of this post.
- We wrote our own vows, and they clearly emphasized what we had waited for, and what we were entering into, and even Satan’s attacks on marriage.
- My grandmother, mother, and I sewed my long veil with a lace border, and left plenty in the front for the blusher I wanted to have over my face.
- For my bouquet, I chose tightly packed, deep red roses with a long cross pendant I’d found at a vintage store hanging in the center.
- I added a little fun and passion and play to the ceremony with the bridesmaids’ outfits: bright fuchsia dresses and animal print shoes!
- For our colors, I wanted to emphasize vibrancy, sensuality, and passion. Hot fuchsia and deep red were the go-to palette!
- Marines with swords are military wedding tradition, but I also loved it for bringing a strong masculine presence into a day that often is only oriented toward the feminine, and for the reiteration of the battle metaphor – they marched into the church at the beginning of the ceremony, and several people told us it was powerful, striking, and moving.
THE RECEPTION:
- We had our reception at a flight museum. David is a pilot for the Marine Corps, and my family has a history and love of aviation, and this fit our mutual passion perfectly. Plus, the open, fun space set the stage for the tone of the second half of our celebration – totally unrestricted rejoicing!
- We chose open seating and a buffet dinner from food trucks! This not only kept our costs reasonable, it helped us have a very varied menu (steak and crepes?!) and kept the priority on the ease of this union and the message rather than the decor or formalities.
We started with 50s crooner classic tunes during dinner, my father’s gorgeous toast, and all the pictures.
Then, we changed up the vibe! One of the things I loved about our venue was a second floor balcony where other exhibits looked over the main space. A big staircase came down into the center of the room, and we decided to play with this.
The bridal party and I slipped away while everyone was dancing and headed to some meeting rooms up on that second floor, where I changed into a short dance dress – which had arrived by mail just a day before and was too big, so we had to safety-pin it to me; definitely one of those things I was not focused on as far as ‘having a successful wedding’ was concerned!
While I was being pinned into my dress, my bridesmaids donned white gloves, old-style flight stewardess hats, and aviators, and we headed back out the balcony. David and the groomsmen were waiting for us there, the DJ switched the tune to Sinatra’s ‘Come Fly With Me,’ the spotlight meet us all up on the balcony and we danced and waved to the astonished crowd below before sashaying down the stairs.
As we reached the dance floor, the lights dimmed and it was time for the second half of the reception – a total club vibe!
David and I most definitely fell for each other on the dance floor (he can seriously break it down and I just try to keep up!) so we wanted to honor this love of ours with our favorite dance hits. We passed out ‘D+J’ aviators and foam fingers saying ‘Number 1 wedding’ – David’s contribution to the celebration which was a huge hit! – as dancing aids and party favors.
LESSONS:
- We didn’t act like this lovely romantic day was a soft or easy thing to do, but rather made it clear that the vows we were taking constituted the boldest move two broken people could make in a world that increasingly antagonizes marriage.
- We didn’t skimp on or shy away from mentions of and illusions to sex – the defining act of marriage.
- We didn’t skimp on Scripture either!
- We combined powerful reverence and emphasis on the act of submission to God and each other we were both undertaking, with wild ecstatic rejoicing and plenty of playfulness.
- We put our energy into the message of marriage rather than into seating charts, name cards, or centerpieces.
- When it came down to putting more time into preparing for the wedding or preparing for the marriage, we chose the marriage every time – still having dates where there was no planning or worrying, and gorging ourselves on premarital prep through books, audio trainings, and meetings with our mentors.
- I made a decision from before I woke up the day of the wedding to enjoy every moment, to be calm, present, and to laugh constantly, no matter what went ‘wrong’ or not as planned. With an attitude of gratitude, joy, peace, and presence, you’ll have a great wedding no matter how the day unfolds!
- We didn’t drink at the wedding. I think we may have shared a glass of red wine. While neither of us is against alcohol in moderation per the Bible, and we certainly had wine and beer available for our guests, let’s just say we both wanted to be completely present for every moment of what happened after the wedding! 😉
So lovely, how does this make you feel?
I know enough from my studies and work with women – plus my own story! – that talk about love, weddings, and marriage can be saddening, angering, or triggering in various ways for many women. If you read my last post, you know I was a mess around marriage for over a decade.
In fact, I had vowed never to marry. And yet, as this post makes clear, it looks like I did! 😉
But the process was anything but haphazard or passive. It took years of healing, study, and personal work.
I really wish I could have sped that process up. I married at 24, but if I had been more mature and healed earlier, I don’t doubt that I would have met my husband earlier, and I would have loved to have spent those years with him, in joy and play and receptivity!
If this is striking a cord for you, or triggering you in any way, I’d love for you to jump on a totally complimentary and no-pressure Skype or phone call with me. Even if I can give you one word of healing, guidance, or clarity, it could catapult you forward, even if coaching isn’t right for you right now.
And of course, if you’re looking more for coaching around your body, appearance, confidence, or relationships with God, your family, or yourself, I am always available for coaching around those topics as well!
But if you’re looking for loving, Biblical, very open talk on dating, husband-selection, marriage prep, sex, or even intentional wedding planning, or you know someone who might be, let’s chat – I am known for being extremely comfortable ‘going there,’ receiving everyone’s past and story with full and unconditional love, and helping with areas others feel awkward discussing and tend to avoid (hellooo, wedding night planning!)
Learn more about my coaching and contact me to chat about whether we’re a good fit here.
SO much love and freedom to you, beautiful.
If the possibility of marriage is in your life right now, be brave and take the leap.
Love,
Jackie
See more photos from our big day here, and check out our wedding highlights video below to see how we used Scripture and all these elements to create a super powerful and very fun day!
Major love to our vendors and helpers:
Wedding Film and Photography- WhenItClicks
Ceremony – Highland Park United Methodist Church
Reception – Frontiers of Flight Museum
Wedding Day Coordinator – Renee Hart with Party Time Productions
Makeup Artist – Natalee Ezzell
Florist – Kristen Wolchik
Cake Artist – The Cake Guys
DJ/Emcee – Joel Morris with Party Time Productions
Catering:
