Hey Lovely One!
To honor the Month of Love this year, I’m sending out a series of love letters to you!
These are the deeply personal journeys of women who have worked with me in one of my intimacy programs – The Bedroom Bombshell or the full O Class.
I invite you to see the intense struggle they worked through, the sense that all hope was lost, and then the EPIC transformation – settle in with a cup of tea and enjoy a big dose of encouragement!
And, be sure to watch or listen to the podcast version, where I read her story and then am joined by Lorie herself for an interview! She works in ministry herself and speaks some incredible healing truths over you ladies, so please don’t miss them!
xoxo,
Jackie
From Lorie,
Here’s my story up to this point : I think I started your program sometime in June 2018. My name is Lorie. I’m 47 years old, and I have been married 25 years. I have two daughters, ages 18 & 21. They have been aware of my struggles as much as they have been able to understand, for the last 5 years. We are a Christian family, and have always been very involved in church. I retired as a registered nurse about 8 years ago and became a nutrition/health coach from my home. I homeschooled my girls all the way through high school.
About 5 years ago, the Lord began a deep work in me connecting me to the right counselors to overcome depression & suicide which was a stronghold in my family bloodline. I seemingly had no physical reason to be so depressed except God kept pointing to my marriage bed, my distant relationship with my husband, my poor self- image, low self-esteem, and my husband’s porn addiction that just wouldn’t go away.
As I pressed into the Lord & began praying, literally, without ceasing, He began to show me how to pray specifically for my husband’s addiction. Such as, the root of the addiction is low self-esteem in men, coupled with idolatry toward women. It keeps them in an ungodly reality which also constantly steals the main ingredient needed for a wife to feel secure and adored by her husband.
So, the Lord prompted me to ask Him to be my husband those last 5 years while He did the work in my husband’s mind and heart. Yes, 5 years is a long time to battle intense depression and hopelessness surrounding this issue, but the one thing that kept me going was a vision God had given me right before we entered into all this.
He showed me that one day, He was going to use what I was about to go through, to equip me & my entire family to lead a ministry against human trafficking. He showed me that all the same demons we were coming against were the very same ones that hold that evil work of the enemy in place. My husband did get victory over the addiction, praise God! He is a new man, sensitive and loving, and very supportive of me getting my victory too.
Cue “The O Class”, Jackie Dixon’s teaching.
Before : I was totally checked out ; I had abandoned my own sexual identity & position as my husband’s wife. I didn’t care if we had sex or not ; there was tremendous dread & oppression that came with intimacy for us. I had a very poor self-image & self- hatred. I had bitterness & resentment toward my husband. I didn’t want to look at him, much less, have sex with him.
The Struggle : I, thankfully, decided to fight to get my identity back, but it wasn’t easy. I fought against all the forces of hell, and wouldn’t have had a chance without the Lord’s help. The Holy Spirit spoke to me, ” you can divorce him if you choose to, but that’s not my plan”. I have always had a close relationship with God and knew His voice, so I reluctantly agreed to partner with Him.
I was taking a bath, which is my personal sanctuary, when I received an email from my niece encouraging me to listen to one of Jackie’s webinars. I knew instantly that God was telling me I needed the information she had. I prayed some more, I talked to my husband, and he surprisingly agreed that we needed to make this investment. We were both very unhappy at the time and desperate for a change.
To be honest, my husband and I agreed to use any tithe money we would have given to the church for several months and put it toward this instead. We knew somehow that it would lead to others getting help they needed, including keeping this from being an issue for our two daughters someday. Turns out, this is the best investment we have ever made because of the breakthrough we received.
The Turn Around : I had believed the lies that, at age 47, I had passed up the time to experience healthy sex, and what in the world could this Jackie have to help me? She’s a young, healthy, & fit wife & young mother with a seemingly perfect marriage, beaming with all this self-confidence that seemed very out of reach for me.
This may sound hard to believe, but as I obeyed God’s prompting to make this a priority and allow myself to put time and attention on this area, He, supernaturally, began shifting me giving me hope and confirmation along the way. God gave me two Bible verses to encourage me: Romans 12:1-2 says ” Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
He has used Jackie’s wisdom and teaching to renew my thoughts about myself and sex. I can’t describe how my self- confidence has improved since last summer. My taste in clothing style and colors has changed from drab and boring to cheerful and bright. The 2nd verse is from Psalms 138: 7-8, “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies and Your right hand will save me. The Lord will accomplish ALL that concerns me.”
I had to start telling myself daily, “sex was created for me to enjoy”, and ” I accept myself completely, the way God created me for sex.”
God also prompted me to break and renounce a programming I had unknowingly agreed to in my body, of ” idolatry toward other women”. The enemy had me stuck in captivity of constantly comparing myself with other younger, prettier women, which was keeping me in a hopeless place. I would never have measured up to them or gained self – worth by jealousy and comparison.
He revealed to me, through Jackie’s coaching, a cycle many women fall into. We had become hamsters on a wheel going nowhere.
1) Poverty – feeling like we lack what we need, or not being where we want to be.
2) Pride – attempting in our own power to get there; it works with the spirit of religion, forcing us to conform to a list of false expectations.
3) Fatigue/ Exhaustion – feeling like a failure, powerless, and discouraged
4) Self – Reward/ Gluttony – resorting to unsatisfying things such as : shopping, over- eating, pity parties, or wearing ” I give up” clothing, etc.
5) Guilt / Shame – beating ourselves up; keeping a negative self- image; this usually leads to self- condemnation, depression, and/ or self-hatred
6) Jealousy / Comparison – towards other women, such as, ” If I were a size 6 like her, I would be satisfied in my body.” But the truth is, that size 6 woman is struggling with just as much shame, guilt, and self- hatred and isn’t satisfied in her body either. I know, because I’ve been a size 6 for most of my adult life.
This cycle, then, starts over again, and there is no victory in it, at any point!
The Transformation – I gradually began looking forward to sex again, but God had placed a fire in me; a sense of needing to get justice by taking back ownership of my marriage bed from the enemy. God has my husband reading the Bible more and having deep spiritual conversations with me! We finally, have come to the place where we pray together and he prays over my healing to be complete.
I’ve never had more hope in this area of my life as I do now. We are on a journey to wholeness from where there has been multifaceted healing and deliverances. My self-esteem, his self-esteem, each of our parents’ relationships, each of our views of sex and marriage, and each of our mental and physical health.
The Now : I feel like I have entered into a whole new season of life. I’m more comfortable in my own skin now. I don’t have timidity or paranoia regarding my body when I’m with my husband, intimately. He has noticed the change in me too. I have not yet arrived; God is still cleansing my thoughts and my body of all the past negativity, but I’m looking forward to more freedom and joy that I know is coming!
Thank you, Jackie for acting on the desires God has placed in your heart to help other women. I so appreciate your obedience to the call for this very sensitive, but necessary work. May God bless you abundantly with additional wisdom and strategies as you continue to bring heaven to earth.
With much love and happy tears, Lorie
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS PODCAST:
The ‘5 Shifts Christian Women Must Make to Enjoy Sex More Today’
The Bedroom Bombshell Intimacy Program
The Pure Pleasure Principle Masterclass
