My husband barely believes me (but I have proof!!)

I’ve been going through some old pictures.

It’s amazing how these tell a story, and how when you get far enough away from something, you see the phase of your life that you were in more than you see the actual event the photo is of.

This is me back in high school. Full-on good girl, full-on brows (sorry Mom, they had to be shaped!)

I studied like mad, got the grades, counted how many times I demonstrated Godly virtues (compliments given, doors held open, etc), and without realizing it I became quite legalistic and self-righteous.

Most of the time I was insecure. The rest of the time I felt superior. I knew God personally, but I hadn’t internalized the Gospel or really understood why I needed a savior.

Fast forward to college. My mom became very sick, and my world turned upside down.

Over the next two years, I gained almost 50 pounds. I didn’t know how to find comfort or to use the tool of pure pleasures I now teach, and I’d sneak into the kitchen at night to make myself massive sundaes, then feel sick and out of control, but keep eating.

 

By late college, my mother was recovering, but I had dived into anger and bitterness toward a world that seemed petty and unfair.

I wore a lot of black, my collection of black leather jackets exploded, and I regularly went out looking like an angry mess (which I was) just to make a point and feel like a ‘rebel.’

 

 

Post-college, I tried to move to Paris. I was there for about six weeks. I stayed with the most wonderful French family, but I was in a tail spin.

I had started wondering if following God and living by His commands was really my best option, and as I considered drifting away and making up my own rules, I felt like the walking dead.

Trying to pull myself back together and determined to figure out what was the true way to live, I came back to the US and took a job at a large, Bible-believing church. I was loved unconditionally, but frustrated that the areas I struggled in were still not being addressed.

I wanted to know how to think about my body. My appearance. How to be truly confident but still fully engaged and compassionate in a broken world. And hugely, how to understand sex and men and live out fearless vulnerability and intimacy in marriage, which had long been my biggest fear.

So I dedicated myself to figuring it out. I read every book I could find, listened to old trainings and sermons from the 80’s to present day, went to marriage conferences as a young single girl, and practically grilled the mature women and couples I could find for their advice.

I made myself the experiment, and decided I wasn’t going to give up until I really understood God’s vision for us and broke free from all of my misconceptions, wounds, and fears.

Long story short?

I figured it out and I made it out – alive and flourishing!

And just months after the last big wound was healed – my fear of and intense dislike of marriage – I met my husband. We married a year later.

There is not one doubt in my mind that God was waiting until I was healthy and whole enough to steward a good man well.

And it was my responsibility to take action.

If you haven’t watched the Bombshell pre-training videos yet, where I share more about these parts of my story, you can find them here:

Part 1: Why determination to ease suffering led me to start my business, VLX

Part 2: My dark night of the soul in Paris and why I followed God

Part 3: The reason for the Biblical Bombshell

And, if you haven’t caught the Bombshell soirée replay yet, where I really piece it all together and share the 12 pillars of a Biblical Bombshell and the power of Godly femininity, you can find that here.

So here’s my question for you: what’s your story?

Where have you been?

And where are you going?

Do you feel like you’re going in circles?

I’ve watched women whose stories have never changed.

They’ve kept ‘waiting’ for the perfect guy and pushing incredible love away with ‘logical’ reasons, without recognizing and being able to break out of a deep fear of intimacy and commitment, and understand how to step into an excellent marriage.

They’ve spent decades trying to ‘accept’ their bodies, rather than discovering that it’s not really about learning to be more ‘content,’ but about learning how to think about and care for their beautiful temples, completely and Biblically. 

They’re in a cycle of jealousy or under-living, rather than knowing how and where to base their confidence so they can live out their amazing callings fearlessly. 

I have also seen women who are willing to take the risk.

To fully trust a God they can’t see and jump into total dedication to His Word and His complete calling on their lives (if you’re wondering what I mean by ‘complete calling,’ make sure you watch the Bombshell soirée training!)

I’ve looked into their eyes and seen a willingness – or a desire to act first and let the willingness grow as the fear subsided, and days, months, or years later I’ve received emails from them that because of our time together, they’ve had the courage to commit to an engagement or a marriage, or they’ve finally changed the way they see and care for their bodies, or they’re finally at peace with receiving love and being totally confident.

The question is, which woman are you?

They are always easy to tell apart. The women ready to dedicate themselves and commit to a lifetime of transformation are quiet, watching, and asking questions.

The women who are frightened are vocal with their (non-Biblical) ‘proverbs’ about life and how hard and impossible and unfair everything is, and are most definitely not open to suggestions.

My opinion from my own experiences? The sooner you fully commit to doing everything you can think of God’s way (including not taking certain things too seriously!), the less of your life you lose.

I spent about two years wandering and wondering if I really wanted to submit to God’s teachings or make up my own rules. My early twenties, of all precious times!! And my Lord, do I wish I hadn’t been such an idiot and could have those years back.

But perhaps it served some purpose, and God is using it for His good: I know, because of those years and the process of fighting my way back and finally understanding grace: how easy it is to wander off, how easy it is to doubt God’s intentions and the truth of His teachings, and how it feels to be out of sync with God and like you’re the walking dead.

Most important, I know how badly God wants each of us back in His arms and in His truth in every way, and I know the freedom full dedication to the Word – not necessarily to Christian culture – can give, particularly in some of the areas that are the hardest to figure out and talk about:

• Body image, wellness, and weight.
• Beauty and insecurities about how we look – yet a longing to be beautiful that we can’t seem to get past.
• Men and the pain of our childhoods or past experiences, and the dance of wanting intimacy but not knowing how to find it in a modern dating world.
• Sex and the obscene or angry messages of culture, and church cultures that refuse to talk about it.
• Vulnerability and intimacy in a culture of over-sharing and yet fear of commitment.

Now, God is most definitely not done with me yet – in fact, He’s just launched me on a new journey that I am getting very excited about and will be sharing next week!

But these are areas where I am living very freely, and I want to see more Christian women living in this freedom too.

Not just because I believe doing so is in line with the Word, but because I think it can be tremendously powerful for evangelism. If that intrigues you and you haven’t seen last week’s soirée where we discussed why and how, be sure to check it out.

So, how can we move forward?

If you know you’re a woman who is open to transformation and who wants to live life by the Word and not by the fears or hurts she collected along the way, I invite you on a very special journey:

I will be leading a group of women through an intensive training on the 12 Pillars of a Biblical Bombshell.

12. Allure, Class and Chic
11. Social Awareness and Savvy
10. Financial Independence and Security
9. Purpose, Passion, and Peaceful Productivity Toward your Calling
8. Profound Understanding of and Respect for Men
7. Respect for, Total Comfort with, and Delight in Sex and Your Sexual Calling
6. Powerful Beauty that Points Toward Heaven
5. Openness to Full Vulnerability and Intimacy
4. Total Body Love
3. Unshakable Confidence and Security
2. Commitment to Purity
1. Intimate Friendship with God

(grab the pdf guide to the pillars if you don’t have it yet here).

Each of the 12 pillars will receive plenty of attention:

• A dedicated hour-long audio teaching on the topic
• Bombshell reflection worksheets to lead you through your personal transformation in each area
• Practical steps to take (and a few comfort-zone-pushing challenges to really get you going!) to move forward and see change and progress
• Specially curated video and music playlists and quotes and images to open your mind and heart to healing, courage, and possibilities (hint: you’ll get access to my secret Pinterest inspiration and training boards for each area)
• Most exciting, just the girls who join me for this opening round will have the opportunity to have all of their questions in each area answered, as I will also record a full Q&A session on each topic, shaped by their personal questions and concerns.

And, naturally, there will be plenty of bonuses:

• Last-call access to a special deal just for action-ready bombshells
• A special invitation to an elite society/retreat/mastermind I’m currently planning
• Bonus trainings on areas I am realizing also need to be covered, including more depth on the importance of femininity, and healing any wounds of ‘women are inferior’ or ‘God doesn’t like women,’ etc as well as hot topics like dating and family relationships.

Here’s the problem.

Because I will be working in real time with these women to create the content that is based on their questions, I will need to close the training for about the next 3 to 4 months so I can actually record and create it and go through it with them!

All of this content will be available later this fall, but there will be no live Q&A components (just the recordings), the content therefore won’t be able to be tailored to the ladies who join then, and the price will more than double ($97 to $197).

So, I hate to be a party pooper, but I will have to close the doors in a week!

If you want to join us for the Bombshell Training, you have until this Friday at midnight central time.

Funny enough, the girls who have already jumped in on this (including some who joined even before I explained what I would be teaching!) have largely been ladies in my Body Stewardship course.

And I can’t say how honored and excited I am by this!

One, because the incredible work they’ve been doing in that area is now going to explode into the rest of their lives.

Two, because these are clearly action takers! And action takers always see results – the changes can be incremental, but inevitably, they look back later and are amazed at how far they’ve come.

And three, because they know that when I offer a training, I go above and beyond to give tremendous value, we go deep and no stone is left unturned, and getting in early is a wise move, because the prices always increase!

So, if you have any interest in these topics and feel that learning to be a fully Biblical, bold and free woman of God is exactly what you need now or might want to work through soon, I highly recommend grabbing the training now while it’s at this price and you have the chance to get your personal questions answered.

Even if you won’t have the time to go through the trainings until later, lock them in now while you can grab everything for the discounted price, and you will have them whenever you want to return to them!

Many women have said to me that my life seems to be dreamy and I have it all together. They seem to infer that I got lucky or that it’s been easy or ‘just happened.’ HA! That could not be further from the truth.

I still have the hate letters I wrote to myself. The endless pictures of my chubby tummy that I loathed, begging it to go away, my angry journalings to God to protect me from the ‘trap’ of marriage, and the wondering of who I was really going to follow and how lost and dead inside I felt. I’ve kept it all.

Why? For evidence.

Because frankly, it’s difficult to imagine someone who has found healing, truth, and freedom being in the disastrous state they used to be in if you didn’t know them then.

When I tell my husband how angry, lost, defensive, self-righteous, insecure, and completely fearful and bitter I used to be, he has a hard time believing me.

I am so far from that woman now, and I only wish I had been able to study, learn, pray, heal, cry, and dedicate myself fully to God sooner and faster so that I could have enjoyed this freedom earlier. It took me seven years to go from scared, broken, angry little girl to a joyful, fully confident and expressed woman ever growing into her power in Christ.

I want that transformation to be faster and easier for you! There is of course so much work that will happen between your heart and the Holy Spirit, but being exposed to the full Biblical teachings on these topics, openly discussing the ‘tough stuff’ with like-minded women, and taking action will move you forward faster – and it will show God your willingness to let Him take over and really make things happen.

Join us, beautiful – I would LOVE to have you with us!

But I do have to urge you to decide rather quickly, as I will have to close the doors here in a few days so we can get started.

If you’re ready to jump into an adventure that will change your life, join us here.

I can’t wait to hear from you, beautiful!

Love and Freedom to you always,

Jackie

P.S.   If you’re looking for simply some short and simple posts to share little tips from my world, hold tight – I’ll be back to the normal blogging schedule next week, and I’ve got some fun new videos from Europe (and some BIG news!) to share! But until then, I will be reminding you often about this opportunity, so that the women who are ready to take the leap can make it in time!