Hey gorgeous!
Well we are ticking down to baby over here – just two months left! – and as I’ve been preparing and getting used to this lifestyle shift, I have certainly had my fair share of fears and moments of panic.
Will I be a good mother? Will all of my other life dreams and plans be thrown out the window? I shared all about these fears in my last post.
But what I’ve been realizing over the last few weeks is that this is really no different from any other fears, insecurities, or perceived ‘stuck points’ I’ve had in the past:
When I wanted to play basketball well in high school, but would psyche myself out because people were watching and I was afraid I wouldn’t perform well.
When I was trying to learn French and Italian, and froze up when I was asked to say something because I felt like a fraud with a terrible accent!
When I used to sing competitively and perform, and would pull back the power of my voice in a physical, bodily fear of being judged or messing up.
With a little time, and in an effort to not drive myself insane, I learned how to ‘check out’ of my surroundings, forget that people were watching and lose myself entirely in the task at hand, and – most important – to act as though I was already completely competent at what I was trying to do.
For example, I developed the habit of completely zoning out of my surroundings when playing basketball, focusing only on the game and not whether people watching thought that I was playing well. I finally mastered this in high school, and it stuck through college and beyond.
Similarly with languages – I threw myself into the identity of being French or Italian rather than being an American attempting to speak it, and started speaking with tremendous confidence, even though I still butcher both beautiful languages!
Admittedly, I still struggle with singing – which is probably why, even if you know me rather well, you might not even be aware that I am a trained singer because I don’t do anything with it! Ahh, always something to work on… 🙂
Wonderfully enough, these changes don’t require any shift in skill level – you don’t have to ‘get better’ at something before you do this. It only requires shifting something in your mind.
But here’s the ironic part:
By acting like you’re already great at something, and like you have no fears or sense that you’re a fraud or don’t fit in, your skill level will actually increase most of the time – or certainly, much more quickly!
So much of our performance is based on the fears and insecurities playing in the background, taking up very valuable brain power and energy, right when we’re trying to be at our best!
By eradicating those insecurities and that tape that plays ‘I’m a fraud and they can tell, I’m terrible at this and they can tell’ over and over in our heads, we commit to what we’re trying to do fully, with all of our strength and faculties focused on it, and just that peace and fully focused mental and physical energy improves our ability.
This same little trick came up later in my life, but the stakes were higher, and my ability to master the mindset of ‘already being what I wanted to be’ was more critical.
It kept me calm through tests, public speaking engagements, and modeling jobs. It still helps to keep me calm when I go on stage, or work with a client, or create a program – although I now have additional, much deeper mindset strategies that keep fear from even coming up in the first place.
Later on, it was a key part of what set me free in every area I was stuck in – which was quite a few areas, if you know my story! – from adopting a total wellness lifestyle, to having the confidence that I would be wanted by a man and could be happily married.
What I often see many women doing is having this confidence at a very shallow level, just barely covering a host of conscious or subconscious fears.
And I totally get it! From nasty people around us who throw out harsh words like they’re nothing, to life events that the devil turns into stories about us and our worth or identity that then shape how we live in so many ways, it is freaking hard to move past the paralyzing fears and do a big belly flop into fully believing that we have everything it takes to be everything we are called to be, right. now.
But it is possible.
And it is SO worth it!
Now there are some things, like marriage, family of origin issues, or financial independence, that I do believe you have to study and practice as well in order to be successful.
But the extent that mindset plays into all of these areas continues to blow me away.
It’s all in our heads.
Why does this work?
Well, we live the lifestyle of what we think we already are.
So if we think that we look as fit as a supermodel – rather than telling ourselves over and over that we don’t, that we should, that we never will, what’s the use, etc – we’ll probably have a much easier time grabbing a green juice and going for a walk. It’s just who we are, and it’s just what we do.
But when we deluge ourselves with self-defeating thoughts and kill off our own hope, it’s a lot easier to eat a pint of ice cream when we’re not even hungry. Because, what’s the use? We’re already a slob and a failure and there’s no point trying. We’ll keep emotionally eating and beating ourselves up that we are not what we want to be.
I spent years yearning to be something that I felt I wasn’t. Waiting until the day would come that I would finally ‘get it’ – and wondering if that day would ever come.
Then I realized the only way to finally leap into who I wanted to be was to imagine that that was who I already was.
To identify myself as successfully being that right now.
To realize that there was no ‘them’ group that I longed to be a part of – that I was already a member, I just needed to own it and start acting like it!
So, what about you beautiful?
Have you already self-identified as ‘a fit girl,’ ‘a healthy girl,’ ‘a kind girl,’ ‘a fearless girl,’ ‘a desirable girl,’ ‘a productive girl,’ or whatever it is your goal to be?
Or are you consciously or subconsciously telling yourself that you’re not, and getting frustrated that you aren’t making progress?
My goal is for any woman who wants to – for you if you feel called (and I think all women are!) – to be what they are called to be now instead of having a constant nagging feeling that there is something that they should be, could be, want to be, but aren’t.
You already are, beautiful. 🙂 But now it’s time to learn to believe it and act like it!
I want to support you in any way I can, because I know how freeing, life-changing, and transformational this is.
I’m developing a special website with ongoing support for women who want 24/7 access to what it takes to ‘be’ what they are called to be now and all the time. And I want to know what you feel you need and want in such an initiative!
So, please share all your thoughts and preferences with me in this survey – it won’t sign you up for the site or obligate you to anything, but it will let me know what you’re looking for that you aren’t finding elsewhere and how I can help!
AND, as a great big thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and being so generous with your time, I’ll be giving away a gorgeous candle from my new favorite line Root Candles – in whatever scent you like – to one of the beautiful girls who fills the survey out!
Please feel free to share this survey with whoever else you feel might have interest or some thoughts – or who just wants a beautiful candle! 🙂
You gorgeous ladies rock my world, and I am so honored to be on this amazing journey with you!
Love and Freedom,
Jackie
